i was up until four in the morning battling with the mouse that has made a home in my quiet apartment. i had a feeling that the battle would be coming to an end soon since i have had the glue traps set out for almost a week now with no success. it was only a matter of time before curiosity got the best of the little guy and he met his end at the hands of a skinny white kid and a cheap paper glue trap.

so let me set the scene. im sitting on the couch watching tv because i refused to sleep in my room until i caught the mouse because that is the last place i saw it. so i have been sleeping on the couch for the past few nights just because its elevated off the ground and it gives me a little peace of mind. whatever. i know im an idiot. but its fine. so anyway, i had a trap set up behind one of hunter's enormous speakers because i had seen it running back and forth behind it a few days prior.

all of a sudden i hear what sounds like a pack of cigarettes falling to the floor and some very high pitched squeaking. knowing that i do not own any gerbils, i assumed that it was the mouse i had been trying so hard to kill. so i got up and walked over to the kitchen where i saw the little guy trying to drag the trap with him under the refrigerator. im pretty sure i said "nuh uh" out loud to him as i pulled him back...which doesnt make ANY sense because no one was around and im pretty sure the mouse had no idea what i was saying to it.

hes in mouse heaven now. or in a trash bag outside my apartment. good riddance. now i just have to sit and wait patiently for the next one. apparently my neighbors have been seeing mice as well...but theyre a bunch of "actors" so who knows whats really going on with that. theyre too busy talking about being in commercials and thinking about moving to "LA" to "get some exposure." AKA blowing the guy who runs the boom mic in exchange for being on camera. anyway, one of them told me about the time a roach fell out of his air conditioning vent onto his desk while he was just sitting there. this has now become my worst nightmare and i will be putting screens over ever vent in my apartment. call me neurotic but that shit is disgusting. if/when that happens, i will move and then fight my landlord who apparently uses our rent money to gamble on online poker. look him up. apparently hes pretty "good" at it. jay goldenberg. real comforting, jay. thanks.

life's ill.