Wednesday, July 2, 2008

for the most part, this thing is going to be dedicated to all the weird stuff going on in and around my apartment. lately, the sb's of the neighborhood have been quiet. the normal yelling and arguing at the bus stop outside of my window has been at a minimum lately. but it's been replaced by the scurrying and chattering of a fucking mouse in my bedroom. for those of you unfamiliar with the situation, i am an idiot and a sucker and got conned into renting this apartment that should not be as expensive or as sought after as it is. don't let the fresh white walls or the stereo equipment fool you. this place has got problems.

first of all, if you are going to try and make some money by converting the attic of a currency exchange into apartments, there are a few things you have to remember to do:

1. MAKE SURE THERE AREN'T ANY FUCKING VERMIN LIVING IN THE WALLS OR IN THE SHITTY BASEMENT. AND IF THERE ARE, FIX THE PROBLEM IMMEDIATELY

2. SEE #1

i don't know how many more times i can stand going up on the roof and seeing a parade of roaches on the patio. the building is crumbling to the point where bricks and capstones are completely loose and free from the rest of the structure. now i dont know much about architecture...but something tells me that this is not a good sign. when i can just pull bricks out of a chimney, that means there's something wrong. i like playing jenga IN my living room, not WITH my living room. and what bothers me the most is that the landlord is just the nicest guy. he's either a very good actor and can fake sympathy with the best of them or he's really that clueless. i hope he's clueless and not trying to rip me off. i'm still trying to figure him out.

so last night i was lying in bed, trying to go to sleep, when i see a shadow scurry across the ledge under my windows. its the mouse. so i freak the fuck out, jump out of bed and up on to the ledge in hopes of scaring it to death, only to see it scurry away unscathed. needless to say, i went out and slept on the couch because my bed is not elevated off the ground and i didn't want to take any chances. this morning when i woke up i cleaned everything off of the floor of my room and put it up on shelves. clothes, records, everything is raised up off of the ground. hopefully that will give it less places to hide...but i guess we'll find out.

it probably doesn't help much that i sit around and watch verminators everyday when i get home. those poor idiots who are mad infested with gross bugs. makes me feel a little better about my situation but it doesn't help my paranoia of finding bugs where i least expect to see them. so far the bathroom seems to be the only safe haven. i might just start sleeping in the tub instead. we'll see what happens when push comes to shove, but i'm not going to rule it out at this point. i'm living like a prisoner in my own home and my captors are tiny little rodents that are more scared of me than i am of of them. pathetic. let's hope this situation gets fixed sooner rather than later.

the exterminator is coming tomorrow. hopefully i'll have something good to report. i would much rather be writing about all of the derelicts OUTSIDE of my apartment. i might even invite a few in and offer twenty bucks to the guy who catches the mouse. here's how i imagine that situation playing out:

ME: okay, guys. the first derelict that catches the mouse gets 20 bucks. easy enough?
DERELICT: can we keep the mouse?
ME: ok?
DERELICT: he'll be my new friend. can i have your toaster?

then ill turn them loose and they'll just steal everything. probably not a good look.

so take that for what it's worth. this will be more fun once i have something more exciting to write about.



for now you can just look at a picture of an idiot living amongst the trash. san francisco suxxxxx

1 comment:

mod-jerk said...

great picture of you man